We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
