my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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