Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
