Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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