why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
