when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Congratulations! We have a period
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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