just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
