She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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