alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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