guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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