I cannot find my penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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