I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize