need another drink. this is the easiest way
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
