I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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