I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
