all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
