i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
