somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
