im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
