I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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