just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
