can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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