this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can feel your judgement through the phone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
