I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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