I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
