Tell her she can't have a vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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