It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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