Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
