WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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