he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
