dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
