I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
