I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
