where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
