I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
