and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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