I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
