What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
