found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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