they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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