I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
