Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
