Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
