So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Two words: nipple clamps
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