you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
