Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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