You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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