Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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