My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
