Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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