You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
