There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
