Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
