woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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