So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
