why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Please don't give away my fajitas
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