i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
