She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
