once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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