all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
