I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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