Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
