it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
