bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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