addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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