just tell him i said nine months
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
