guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
