Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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