I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
