On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Me. At least after what I've been through.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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