He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
