her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Houston, we have a blender
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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