halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
