if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
