honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
