absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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