I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
