I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
